Attention, Debt Collection Agencies:

I’m sure that you’re aware of the fact that nobody likes you. You’re vocational choice, becoming a psychic parasite and feeding off of the financial and emotional hardships of people, lands you a spot on the list of the most unwanted/unwelcome/unneeded types of people. It’s quite possible that you’ve come to terms with the fact that, should any impending doom be headed in your general direction, most people would rather sacrifice their own live for a meter maid(of either sex) or the soldier that throws puppies off cliffs before even considering giving you a verbal, “heads up,” and yes, “most people,” includes your mother. Perhaps you’re aware that even people that deny any possibility of higher powers/deities, actively pray for your agonizing demise. Yet there is one aspect of you ghoulish existence that maybe, you might be unaware of, and so I would like to take some time out of my day to inform you of this slight character flaw: You’re morons.

Now, before your limited brain power attempts to defend your actions, stop and shut your mouth. You’re too concerned with a bottom line to be aware of the fact that your stupidity cripples that which you hold dear. Allow me to explain:

In your zeal to collect money from people that owe, you waste the time, not only of the people that you harass, but also of your own company. I understand that each agency trades debtors like baseball cards in an attempt to finally score some cash, but it might be beneficial that you also trade the updated records of the last known contact information and thereby not keep calling a number that has not been in the possession of the one that you seek to contact for over THREE YEARS. Perhaps it’s not all your fault. Maybe it’s the technology you’ve employed. Technology does make people lazy, but you might invest in a software that transfers ALL of the updated information pertinent to your search and thereby avoid hassling people that have nothing to do with your quarry.

And while I’m on the subject of technology, allow me to suggest that you take two steps back from your precious calling machines. They are flawed contraptions that only annoy. Seriously, they call at the same time(when I’m at work) and when my technological device called an answering machine picks up, the prerecorded message your service leaves gives no option out but to hang up or press a number, which cannot be done because you’ve got a machine talking to a machine and neither of them can make a decision. You could hire a human to do this task, employ a person to sacrifice their immortal soul and work for you in the seventh circle and stimulate the economy but that would cut into your precious profit margin.

Eventually, when I get annoyed enough to call your service, I find that you’ve outsourced your “call center” to a location where language is a second language and your incompetence is evident yet again. I’m trying to save you time and money by eliminating a dead end(again, for the seventh time in three years), and I’m doubtful that the person I’ve spoken to knows how to spell. Of course I realize that cheap labor is believed to be good but trust me, you’d have better luck siphoning the life from people if you employ persons that actually can read and write at least one of the two or three predominant languages spoken here.

Put simply(because I’m certain that most of this rational thinking is above your bottom feeding intellects), you’ve been outsmarted by someone that simply moved/changed their number. You’re morons.


2 Responses to “Attention, Debt Collection Agencies:”

  1. Oddly enough collecting money gives you a great sense of accomplishment. You go through life being pushed around by rules and regulations but when you collect money the law is on your side. The debtor has failed to live up to the contract they signed where they agreed they would pay the debt as stipulated. You can now take them to court and obtain a judgment that will allow you to seize enough of whatever the debtor owns to recompense the creditor for what they are owed. The collection agency is the cheaper alternative to going through the judicial system. About 60% of all debt can be collected by collection agencies without having to go to court. About 30% can be collected on the initial phone calls. Techical innovations have allowed collectors to contact 10 times more debtors in a day then before computerization. It is a very profitable line of business that meets a need.

  2. Mas Younon Says:


    Odd that you feel accomplished through the suffering of others…but no matter.

    I congratulate you on your well formed argument which only proves my point. It’s clear that you stopped reading after the insults to your occupation died down. Frankly, I care not about what you are able to squeeze from people that made an ill informed choice/ran into a hard spot of life/tried to screw the system, or how the law is on your side. My issue, if you read the post correctly, is about the processes you employ and how they(like your humanity) fail. Should you be able to quote actual facts and figures with sources(this is the internet, why should your percentages be fact?), it still does not ever excuse the harassment of those that have nothing to do with the debt over and over again.

    All my best in your endeavors to suck(the life from people), I’m sure you’ll set a new standard.

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