I know that June is the official kick off month for the “Wedding Season,” but I’ve realized that if I wanted to, I could start up a side enterprise working weddings as a fill in. I’ve held every position available to a straight man(I don’t care what the new Patrick Dempsey movie says), save for one.
Attendee/Date(gotta have seat fillers)
Ring Bearer(true I’m a bit old for this now but should your adorable nephew come down with SARS or something, I could always pinch hit).
Usher(Where you’re part of the wedding, but not the wedding party. “Friend of the bride or groom? Here’s your program. Enjoy the extra 20 minutes of organ music.”)
Wedding Singer(Ceremony, not reception. DJ’s pretty much dominate).
Groomsman(Hopefully of high enough rank so as to not be drafted into the usher corps and thereby avoiding double duty).
Best Man(Plan kick ass party. Thank the couple’s parents at the rehearsal dinner. Don’t lose lose the effing ring. Plan escape of groom in case of emergency. Toast at reception.)
Officiant(“Man and wife. Say, ‘Man and wife!'”).
The only job left is one I don’t apply for, but should anybody need a fill in, I’ve a reasonable hourly rate.