Archive for the Sunday Sermon Category

For the American People

Posted in Sunday Sermon on March 30, 2008 by Mas Younon

In the interest of sparking a move forward/can do attitude, I’d like to take some time to explore some lifestyles that need to make a comeback.

The first is Mad Science. It has been far too long, and we’ve been too conditioned by film/television/literature to embrace a progressive, albeit slightly dangerous occupation. We’re too compliant to let “progress” be turned into “treatment(in the case of medicine)” and “upgrades(regarding technology).” Mad Scientists leap and bound when corporations are exploiting small steps for profit over and over and over. There are so many brilliant minds in existence and we are wasting them by not embracing the ancient art of humiliating the genius. This is how drastic advances in science are made…through debasement. Find the best minds working on cancer(for example), and cut their funding. Link them to the least helpful aspect of society(a photo-shop of them partying with Paris Hilton should do it), thereby destroying any credibility they might have had, and in three years…cure for cancer. Granted we’ll have to find a way to subdue the super wolf-human hybrid that sniffs out and then rips out cancerous cells, but in that creature’s sweat glands, we’ll also find and later synthetically reproduce(so as not to harm the creature) the vaccination for all cancer. You can apply this technique to almost any of humanity’s problems, though I wouldn’t go this route for E.D.(no need for a hyper-ferret that consumes floppy frankfurters).

“Volunteers,” and “Test Subjects,” totally needs to be rethought. Not to mention that Mad Scientists need them, we need to rethink this “qualified” status being held in high regard. If I’m going to be taxed to keep Manson alive, do something with him. Graft a tail on, expose him to gamma rays(but not too much, I’ve seen The Hulk), heck just see how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. We’ve too many untapped(un/underemployed) resources watching Springer reruns not to put them to use and make a better tomorrow. True, we might have to mobilize the national guard and “contain” a few of the more unexpected results with a nuclear cleansing, but isn’t progress worth the risk?

Speaking of test humans, what ever happened to DAREDEVILS? When did we as a species lose our collective sack? Are all of us too scared to miss the next season of “America’s Next Piece of Hackneyed Crap” to risk the glory in throwing up a humongous middle finger to the “almighty” by jumping 18 buses full of burning nuns and orphans whilst drinking a martini and texting the Dali Lama(big hitter, the Lama…)? In an age of the douche-tube “stunt-people” whose idea of a risk is jumping off a roof on the awaiting groin of their friend, or simply just inflicting minor pain onto themselves, where is the one who has the, “eff it all, go for it!” attitude to jump in a rocket built by teenagers and see if he can warp to Mars and back with a protein bar and a liter of water(bonus points for the nickname, “Evel,” and a last name that rhymes with it)?

“The Anti-Christ/Bringer of Doom/Whatever,” people, listen up. You’ve been warning/spouting off about this for too long. Embrace someone as it/make one up/whatever. If you deity relies on another character for it to conquer, well get on with it. I seriously do not understand why you wouldn’t rejoice in the appearance of your enemy. Wouldn’t that mean that you are that much closer to being in your cloud city that is paved with gold and molesting virginal cherubs? Remember, every step towards earthly doom is another step closer to fictional bliss. So lighten up and let the great Satan(progress) make an advance or two(that you’ll later embrace and call your god’s will). Besides, nothing stimulates economy like an enemy. The draw back is that it also stimulates stupidity, -isms, and Dr. Phil.

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What Time Is It?

Posted in Anger, Sunday Sermon on March 9, 2008 by Mas Younon

Spring ahead…

I’ve no love for Daylight Saving Time.  At all.  It’s a lie.  A futile attempt at control over forces of nature, logic and common effing sense.  And no, I don’t care that Ben Franklin’s wry humor inspired those who later championed the concept.  It’s stupid.

Noon is what it is.  Midday is when the sun is highest in the sky.  Not for just four months, and then it’s one in the afternoon for the other eight.  DST is nothing more than delusion and control by “civilized” countries who cause more confusion by not being able to agree when to put it into effect.

Look, I’m all for making the most of the hours when light falls on the earth, but let us be honest with each other and not impose “altered” time on humanity.  Time is bad enough as it is.  Don’t attempt to adjust reality just because you cannot fathom the idea of getting up at “four” in the morning so you can take advantage of sunlight.

It does not save energy.  It does mess with internal biological clocks(which also weakens physical and psychological resistance).  It does not help for productivity, as some estimates point to a loss of up to 31 Billion per year(unconfirmed by my lazy research, but I wouldn’t be surprised).  It does throw off natural rhythms.

If you need to do things early, then set your alarm accordingly.  I do not need legislation messing with my (fragile)concept of time just so you can do…whatever it is you do, and not feel like you’re getting up “early”.

Nothing is saved from this process, and what is lost is too precious: the natural rhythm of the world.  People in flux, attempting to shift what is real to what is being forced upon them.  There is absolutely no reason for this imposition to continue.  It is a lie that needs to stop, now. 

All it is, is control…of you.  Yeah it’s very “conspiracy” of me but it is true.  We’ve been conditioned by time and that is bad enough and yet acceptable(for now), but this forced and useless hour hopping has got to stop.

Imagine, for a moment, having to explain to a anyone not belonging to a “industrialized” country that when the sun has reached its mid point in the sky, that it is actually later than what it is, simply because you’re told so by your government.  Well, of course, you must obey the sovereign, slave, but to the “primitive” highest is highest.  You cannot convince him otherwise, and he is correct.

Changing the terminology does not change the reality.  This moment is this moment.  Let’s leave the manipulation of time to those that actually posses the ability.

Hmmm…losing that hour sure made me cranky…perhaps a nap is in order.

Last Day…Renew!!!*

Posted in Sunday Sermon on January 20, 2008 by Mas Younon

The following is from my as yet to be started/finished/published book, “Quotation Marks: Motivational/Inspirational Sayings That Fail To Do Either.”

“Live each day as if it were your last.”

So wrong, on so many levels.  This “philosophical” gem has been has been as popular as the “I live life to the FULLEST!!!” statement on practically every personal ad description(a subject for another time) ever.  The difficulty arises not from the well meaning intent of the statement, but from the totally wrong point of view that it encourages.  There are obviously, the comical interpretations of mad spending, the telling off of everyone that has been holding you back/destroying your soul/whatever, and bungee jumping for the first time…and yet there is another(more sinister) pull to this commonly used quote:

It’s morbid, depressing, and misses the point that it desires to get across.  Encouraging the cramming of everything into the now without any enjoyment or awareness.  How sinful this approach to life is!  I use the word, “sinful” not in a religious sense, but to make everyone aware that it is a crime against life.  The arrogance, the greed of saturating all that one can without awareness is, a sin.

If you truly knew that this was your LAST day, that when you closed your eyes at the end you would never awaken, would you honestly waste your waning hours on folly?  This is the encouragement from the statement.

“But wait,” you say, “I take it to mean that I should embrace and enjoy all that I have right now, for it may be gone tomorrow.”

Yes, that is a better interpretation, and yet it is still depressing.  Why worry about the ending of things?  All things do and will so why focus on that?  It ruins the enjoyment, the experience of the moment.  It haunts you and lingers in the back of your mind and keeps you from being present.  From being there.

Even the terminology is depressing, “…as if it were your last.”  It enslaves you to a finite timeline.  Commanding you to cram sensory experience at the expense of true experience.  When every moment exists for you to move on to the next, why limit yourself to a possible demise?

“Well what do you suggest, ‘Live every day as if it was your first?'”

Close, but not quite…

There is no anti-(whatever), to this statement but there is an alternative, and that is for you to discover.  It’s not any kind of quote or statement, that’s true.  Maybe, just perhaps, it’s a moment:

When you take a second to close your eyes and feel the sun on your face…or pause to feel the breeze flow over you.  It could be the instant you understand that you’re connected to everything, even if it seems like there’s more than six degrees of separation between you and Kevin Bacon.

Truly, it doesn’t matter if it’s your first or last day, or if you live like it is.  What is important is that you have the opportunity to live this day, and how you choose to do that is up to you.

*Bonus points to anyone who gets and comments on the pop-C significance of the title of this post.