At a loss…

…for words.

More valuable than diamonds are comedic gems.  Today we lost one.  If you don’t know Harvey Korman, you should.  He was genius.

History of the World Part 1

Blazing Saddles

There’s so much more… Seek it out and enjoy his work, and laugh.

Feeling old…again…

It’s depressing enough that I found yet another white blond to the extreme hair today, but now due to a reference, I’m reminded of days when I was way younger, and two stone lighter… Prom.

Junior Prom: Suckered into the whole stupid thing. Double dated with an acquaintance of my date(who liked me, especially when high). Spent WAY too much on tux, dinner, carriage ride through downtown…stupid, stupid, STUPID. Ran into an old friend that moved away and had a crush on back in junior high. Literally ditched my date for a night of small talk with her(in fact I think the video yearbook has a shot of me and her walking away from my “date” about 20 paces behind). Okay time. Mucho dinar.

Senior Prom(the reason people bounced here): Totally single, although I did have a totally psycho stalker, which is why most of you are here(let it be said, that at this point in my stupid life, I was a bit frightened of her, but BTW, she looked FANTASTIC. You have no idea. Seriously. I was an idiot. Anyway…). I learned my economic lesson. I went stag. I ate at home(PB&J RULES! I kid you not.). Combined my last two years of show choir tuxes(still straight, thank you) and spent all of $20 on the whole thing. Hung out with friends, made retarded decisions ignored advances, stayed out of the well dressed mosh pit, and got to geek out because I was at the natural history museum. Went to after prom and made it home by my extended curfew(this is where you laugh at me).

Thoughts?: I could easily go off on a rant about social norms, conditioning, and blah, blah blah… but for me, prom was just another school dance where I felt out of my element, ignored what could have been brilliant, and cared less about the whole king/queen crap. Though the senior prom was, “better,” I’d have done well to ignore, “normality,” in favor of fun. They’re okay, but too much pressure exists then and now(thanks, Footloose).

Where’s my walker?

Look at it another way.

This ruling today is just what the doctor ordered.  Why?  Because not only did it give me a great joke/torture prank to pull on my parents, it’s going to make my previous post relevant(it’s all bout me sometimes), and I can demonstrate exactly why this needs to happen all over this country.

This is not political or religious reasoning(oxymoron), I think that marriage(if you absolutely must have it) in the best case scenario, should be religiously at best what each sect wishes to define with absolutely no legal benefits(for when it works) or ramifications(half!) from society.  I personally find no need to chain my love to binding legal documents with penalties for early withdrawal and men in funny hats damning my soul should me and my love find that our journey together is complete.  My reason for legalized gay/lesbian marriage is purely ECONOMICAL.

Our economy is not so hot right now and it needs stimulation($600 rebates aren’t going to cut it), and who knows more about stimulation than(wait for it…) the wedding industry(over-stimulated actually).  They’ve convinced so many people that the ceremony on steroids approach is the way to go that even people that can’t afford to spend tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars all for ONE DAY, and that’s just for heterosexuals.  Imagine if we opened it up to the rest of the population.  This is the growth industry we need.  The shot in the arm, the kick in the ass to get us back on top of at least the Loonie.

Catering companies; Wedding planners/Event coordinators; Singers; DJs; Bands; Churches(you know they’ll take money from anyone); strippers(ditto); restaurants; bars…EVERYONE can benefit from this, even me.  It may not be for me, but I be more than willing to help you do it.

Have you seen my resume?

Wedding Resume

I know that June is the official kick off month for the “Wedding Season,” but I’ve realized that if I wanted to, I could start up a side enterprise working weddings as a fill in.  I’ve held every position available to a straight man(I don’t care what the new Patrick Dempsey movie says), save for one.

Qualifications:

Attendee/Date(gotta have seat fillers)

Ring Bearer(true I’m a bit old for this now but should your adorable nephew come down with SARS or something, I could always pinch hit).

Usher(Where you’re part of the wedding, but not the wedding party.  “Friend of the bride or groom?  Here’s your program.  Enjoy the extra 20 minutes of organ music.”)

Wedding Singer(Ceremony, not reception.  DJ’s pretty much dominate).

Groomsman(Hopefully of high enough rank so as to not be drafted into the usher corps and thereby avoiding double duty).

Best Man(Plan kick ass party.  Thank the couple’s parents at the rehearsal dinner.  Don’t lose lose the effing ring.  Plan escape of groom in case of emergency.  Toast at reception.)

Officiant(“Man and wife.  Say, ‘Man and wife!'”).

The only job left is one I don’t apply for, but should anybody need a fill in, I’ve a reasonable hourly rate.

Does whatever…

Glad I didn’t get Robin…he’s a sidekick.

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 80% Hulk 70% Green Lantern 70% Iron Man 60% Catwoman 60% Batman 60% Robin 55% The Flash 55% Supergirl 47% Superman 45% Wonder Woman 37%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the “Which Superhero am I?” quiz…